"I unconditionally accept my feelings... and what I feel is not who I am"
Drink lots of water and feel your body being nourished. Cleanse your body,
upon waking each day, notice the Water around you, in the environment and your body.
The Turning Points
I am to review and note any defining moments in my life that caused me to make decisions that changed my life. Take time to think about the past, and locate one of those turning points, and write down the emotions during that time, the decision made, and the outcome.
The most life changing event in my life was in July of 2006; it was actually a triple whammy of two coinciding events, quickly followed by a third (1) the death of my Dad (2) ending a 6 year emotionally abusive relationship with my live-in boyfriend who was an alcoholic, and (3) almost losing my Mom.
Obviously that 6 year relationship was very unhealthy, and by the fourth year I was nearing the I've-had-enough-stage, but stuck it out. I did not realize it then, but I was slowly transforming into a stronger more responsible person.
My Dad's prognosis and quick decline brought it to a head; it was the straw the broke the camel's back. Naturally, I wanted to spend as much time with my Dad as possible before his passing, which I did. The boyfriend of course made it all about him and became a total ass during a time when I needed his support and understanding, he of course, as was his pattern, became very controlling, demanding, and selfish as hell. I was fed up, but did not allow his reaction to stop me from visiting Dad, who passed away within 3 weeks of being diagnosed. This time, I stuck to my guns, and with the support of my Mom, we kicked the jerk out right after Dad made his transition, at which time I vowed never again. I was done with men. He wasn't the first bad relationship; I had a pattern, so I vowed I would never again trust another man with my heart, and that I was better off single.
During the course of those 3 weeks of Dad's transition, I changed. I became stronger, more independent, and more mature. I moved my Mom in with me after Dad passed, and we became even closer than we had been before. My sister took a nose dive after we lost Dad and was unreachable during this time, which was when Mom had her first episode of Congestive Heart Failure/Diabetic Ketotosis/Respiratory Failure and had to be Intubated for the first time ever.
You can imagine what a nut case I was at that point! I had just lost Dad, I thought I was going to lose my Mom, I couldn't reach my sister and lost all faith in her, I had no one to talk to, no one for support except for my teenage son ( my oldest was in Oregon). I was scared, and I was lost, and I think I got a little shocky in the ER. Mom recovered, but it was just the beginning of many such episodes. Eventually my sister recouped and ended up moving in with us, but that's the beginning of another story. Anyway, I became even stronger and more responsible.
Looking back I realize that the boyfriend had a very important role in my life, and my decision to stay single and never give another man a chance, still holds. I am a independent, single woman.
In 2012 My Mom and my sister moved to Phoenix, 85 miles away, which was another turning point in my life, followed a year later with a real doozy... I just lost my Mom this past December. We had to take her off life support, which was, and still, is a HUGE blow, but I am growing stronger and there has been much to learn and do as her Power of Attorney and the executor of her estate. For awhile I was wondering if I was losing it, it hurts so damned bad. I am learning to cope through my art work... but even as I write this, my heart breaks.
What did you learn During Your Turning Points?
I have learned that everything happens for a reason, and although I may not understand it at the time and although it may hurt like hell, or be scary and/or frustrating, it is all for a purpose; a Divine design to shape me into the person I'm meant to become. I have also learned to accept myself, love myself, and to accept life and it's ups and downs. I have learned that my thoughts and words have power and to stay positive as much as possible, to combat my depression with positive warfare, and that my artwork is very healing.
What are the Reoccurring emotions in Your Life?
Birth- 2008: frustration, fear, doubt, heartache, anger, depression, hate, despair
2008- Present: frustration, fear, heartache, doubt, hope, joy, determination, happiness
My Water Altar
My Soul Coaching Contract
Oshun, African Water Goddess (oracle card)
Ace of Cups (tarot card)
clam and abalone shells
Stones/crystals: sodalite, rose quartz, moonstone