Sunday, April 14, 2013

Soul Coaching Day 19 (Fire)

"I live in the present with courage and love."

Cherish life and death in all forms, as well as your life.

Ceremonial Fire
I chose a candle as my sacred flame and a sketch of myself to burn. As I burned the sketch, I focused on the flame, and repeated to myself: "My physical body is not me; I am Divine Light."

(1) Am I ready to die? Only if its painless LOL  Am I at peace with my life? I'm getting there. I'm still working on forgiving the past and letting it go. I have gone back and forth about the what if's, and although I sometimes wish I had done things differently, I keep asking myself: if I could go back and change this, would I really want to? My past is what shaped me into the person I am today, and I like that person. I also sometimes wish that my past experiences and choices did not have to effect my children, but then maybe it was meant to; maybe it was meant to shape them as well. Everything happens for a reason, after all.
(2) If I knew I had only days left to live, what preparations would I want to make? What would I want or need to do? What action can I take today so when my time comes, I will be sure I lived to the fullest?
When Mom passed, I was motivated to get life insurance so in the event of my death, the kids would be able to at least pay for my cremation, but I still need to have a Will drawn up, as well as a Living Will, so I would definitely take care of those things. I would also thoroughly muck out my bedroom, because I am a bit of a pack rat, and I wouldn't want to leave that chore for them. I know from experience, that having to go through your Mom's belongings after she has passed away is emotionally painful. Thankfully my Mom was an organized person and did not keep a bunch of stuff that I had to sort through. I am just the opposite and I don't want to leave that mess for my boys. I really need to do that, but I'm already overwhelmed with just the thought of mucking it out, and rebelling at the thought of throwing away memories. What a pickle!

This step requires that I visualize myself dying, slipping from my body, and going to a place of complete peace and beauty in order reason to learn to accept death so that any fear of dying is alleviated, however I'm just not up to it right now. I could imagine myself dying and transitioning to someplace serene and beautiful, but for now, I choose not to. Maybe I'll do this tonight at bedtime.

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