Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Soul Coaching Day 28 (Earth)

Alas, today my Soul Coaching journey comes to an end. It's been fun, emotional, and sometimes tiring, but it's been a good journey and has manifested insights, as was the purpose. Perhaps I will repeat it someday.

"I give love deeply and fully.
I receive love deeply and fully.
My essence is love."

As you can gather from the above affirmation, today is about love... loving myself, loving life, and loving each experience that comes my way, for everything happens for a reason and for my highest good, even the hard times and the ones that hurt. The trick is to accept the experiences and know deep within, that everything will be okay, that I will remain safe and cared for, and that I am not alone in my journey; the Universe and the Divine are always with me guiding me through each step, no matter how scary or painful it may be. I need to remember to just breathe and focus on peace, knowing I am safe.

I began this day with a brief meditation exercise prior to leaving for another day of work. It was a visualization exercise which began with a clear Spring morning and a bright blue sky. I visualized being outside looking into the that beautiful clear blue sky and breathing in the fresh Spring air. From there I visualized myself inside a stone circle which vibrated and glowed with love and healing. The stone circle was surrounded by beings of pure Light who sent their Light to illuminate me until I too was glowing with Light, and had a glowing ball emanating from the region of my heart, like a mini sun. The Light surrounded my being as well as filled my entire body.

Today I was to imagine myself sending my Light to others throughout the day, but honestly, it was extremely busy most the day; at some points I felt like a chicken running around with its head cut off. I did however get a few quite minutes in the afternoon to visualize myself doing just that. Whew! I thought I wasn't going to get a chance to practice this one today, and I had some problems concentrating and holding the visualization for very long, but but mission accomplished, although brief.  

Earth has been my favorite week of this program, although I also enjoyed the creativity of Fire...hmm maybe it's more of a tie LOL . Air week was too much cleaning for this girl, and Water was much too emotional. 

Setting up an altar for each Element was also a fun activity. I'm not sure which of the altars was my favorite, perhaps my abundance altar, as it incorporated a little bit of everything that I hold dear.

Well, for those of you that followed my journey, I hope you you enjoyed it, or at the very least were inspired to try some similar exercises, and maybe it even compelled you to purchase the book yourself?  It's a great read, as well as experience; I highly recommend it.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Soul Coaching Day 27 (Earth)

"My future is filled with joy, love, and peace."

I find it amazing that the Earth segment of this program falls on Earth Day. How cool is that?

We are nearing the end of Soul Coaching; tomorrow is the last day. How fast these 28 days are passing!

Today I was to focus on creating my future and (1) visualize it (2) write a letter from my future self to my current self and (3) carry myself in a confident, peaceful manner, in such a way that I KNOW I am safe and at peace, my future is safe and I will be at peace and secure, etc etc.

After I was all ready for work this morning, I had a few extra minutes, so I spent them visualizing my future, and what a great way to start the day! The rest of my day followed suit... I was happy and confident all day!

The letter to myself from my future self had to wait until after work, but what a great (and fun)  idea!

I still struggled with remembering to hold/carry myself in a confident peaceful manner. Posture is hard for me, as I've had poor posture all my life and I'm now paying for it. My back and shoulders naturally curve forward now. It's a strain to force them straight and back, but my positive mood stuck with me for the remainder of the day and evening.

Today was an awesome day, and now that I've slowed down, I'm getting tired really fast. Tonight just might be an early night!

Before signing off, I thought I'd share more of my beautiful purple Irises for Earth Day...

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Soul Coaching Days 24-26

Friday was my errand and chore day. I was suppose to be aware of my body and what messages my body may be putting out about me, a well as act out how I wanted to feel this day, but as I rushed through my chores and errands, these exercises were not included in my day. Afterwards it was time for relaxation, which happened to be Step 3, so this at least, was accomplished.

Saturday was a lazy day; I slept in late and didn't accomplish anything, including reading Soul Coaching. If I had managed to read it, I might have found some enjoyable nature focused things to do, but my laziness was all I was focused on. This day was suppose to be about awakening nature within myself.

Sunday was another lazy day as well as a low energy day, and a doozy of a headache. I felt blah... perhaps the result of entertaining too much sleep and a whole lot of nothing. This day was about ways to bring nature inside my home as well as completing a Soul Altar.

Although I did not collect anything new of nature to bring inside, my house already has many items of nature: stones and crystals, feathers, pieces of wood, petrified wood, a lava rock, a rock from my yard that I painted, dried flowers and petals, etc.

My Soul Altar includes the following: a photo of my parents, my Mom's fairy lamps, various crystals and stones a clamshell, the abundance collage I created featuring my family, a watercolor of the ocean I painted, a postcard of a wolf, a pine cone, a glass container holding feathers, a glass cat, Kwan Yin (goddess) and a happy Budha (god), a candle and a bottle of my Mom's ambergis oil perfume that you can smell just standing next to it.

I'm happy with my Soul Altar...this weekend wasn't a total waste  :-)

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Soul Coaching Day 23 (Earth)

"My mind, body, and spirit are clear channels for love."

Dry Brushing
Well, I was suppose to dry brush my skin before showering this morning during my pre-work routine, but I totally forgot (sigh). The author said that dry brushing your skin is a detoxifying technique, who knew! Not only does it slough off dead skin cells and unclogs pores, but it also stimulates the lymphatic system. Wow, I need to go by a brush and add this to my daily routine!

Cleansing or Clog
Today I was suppose to be very conscious of what I ate, eat cleaner healthier. So instead of my usual canned soup or Ramen Noodle soup for lunch break, I went home and fixed a large salad with lettuce, carrots, cucumber slices, tomato, onion... and salad dressing. I can't go without dressing, and unfortunately all I had was Hidden Valley Bacon Ranch, but I limited it to only two Tablespoons: 1 Tablespoon = 70 calories, Total fat 7g, Saturated Fat 1.25g, Total Carb .5g, Sugars .5g, Cholesterol 5mg, Sodium 115mg... still too much sodium though. Oh well, better than Campbells' Tomato Soup at 960mg plus saltine crackers or Cup O Noodles Soup which is... 1191mg!!! Eeek! 

Dinner was fresh veggies, sliced, plain, and Velveeta Hamburger Mac Cheesy Skillet, (not including the Hamburger)= 440 calories, Total fat 18g, saturated Fat 6g, trans Fat 1g, Cholesterol 30mg, Sodium 1770mg (yikes!), Total Carbs 54g, Sugars 12g, Dietary Fiber 2g, Protein 16g. Hamburger, appx. 170 calories. I could have had a healthier dinner but my pantry and frig were not stocked for healthy/clean eating.
This meal was probably in the Clog category.

I may not have eaten the healthiest or cleanest meals, but I did eat healthier, and read labels to educate myself as to the nutritional value of what I was eating. 

The author recommends investing in colonics for a deep internal cleansing, eating more fresh veggies and fruits, but since she recognizes that colonics may not available or appropriate for everyone, she assigned a meditation exercise: to meditate and ask my Higher Self what I could do today that would best eliminate toxins from my body. Considering that this was another of my normal  10 hour work days at the office, I did not complete this exercise.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Soul Coaching Day 22 (Earth)

"I am one with the Earth. I am one with my body."

(image found on the internet)

Body Assessment
Today us the first day of Earth and it's all about connecting with my physical body, and I have to say... the Body Assessment questions made me grumpy. It just re-emphasized what I am already very conscious of and struggling with daily, and answering the questions was like getting my nose rubbed into it.

To continue eating at least semi-healthy and try to cut back more on the sugar. I have been craving chocolate and indulging too often.

Talking with My Body
Starting from your toes, visualize and talk to each body part and ask each I fit has a message for me. Honestly.. I did not complete this activity.

My Earth Altar
My wolf figurine is currently decorating my desk at work, so I substituted with a stuffed wolf beany baby. Other items include a piece of branch, a painted rock that I painted for the element Earth, turquoise and hematite, a woodsy candle holder, and my contract.

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Soul Coaching Day 21(Fire)

"Incredible life force flows through my being "

Today is the last day of Fire and activities are based on one of my favorite things... getting creative!

Feelings in Color
Today I have a combination of feelings:

  • Bored, because it's a slow day at the office  
  • Sadness for Boston
  • Happy and feeling creative. 

So, I got the highlighters and markers out and created something to represent Earth, Air, Fire, and Water, and this is the result...
Spiritual Flow
Using 3 pieces of paper, music to set the energy, make three doodles: 1 drawing with my right hand; 1 drawing with my left hand, and 1 drawing with both hands. Luckily I can listen to iheartradio at my desk while working.

Coloring with my left hand was a bit challenging, but using both hands at the same time was really tricky!!  I like how the two-handed one came out; turned at an angle, it reminds me of the goddess!

The other part of this activity, is to hold my hand over each piece, close my eyes and ask what message my souls has for me. When I did this, I received one worded answers that popped into my head.

Right Hand= Thrive

Left Hand= Peace

Both Hands= Spirituality

Stoking the Fire
Create a collage that makes you feel abundant every time you look at it.

I absolutely LOVED this creative day!!!

My collage...

Monday, April 15, 2013

Soul Coaching Day 20 (Fire)

"I am a loving spiritual being."

Today is about finding ways to be a silent ray of sunshine in someone's life by spreading Light via visualization, and good deeds.

Wings of Light
Visualize yourself with wings of Light, and wrap them around someone in need.

Wings of Kindness
Commit a random act of kindness.

Wings of Impact
Empower, support, inspire, or contribute to someone.

Well, being as it was a 10 hour work day for me, I wasn't able to do any of these things. By the time I got home, cooked, ate, and cleaned up... I was done out for the day, but that's ok. The author says not to be hard on myself if I can't/don't do all the steps, so I'm not going to put myself on a guilt trip for skipping a day.

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Soul Coaching Day 19 (Fire)

"I live in the present with courage and love."

Cherish life and death in all forms, as well as your life.

Ceremonial Fire
I chose a candle as my sacred flame and a sketch of myself to burn. As I burned the sketch, I focused on the flame, and repeated to myself: "My physical body is not me; I am Divine Light."

(1) Am I ready to die? Only if its painless LOL  Am I at peace with my life? I'm getting there. I'm still working on forgiving the past and letting it go. I have gone back and forth about the what if's, and although I sometimes wish I had done things differently, I keep asking myself: if I could go back and change this, would I really want to? My past is what shaped me into the person I am today, and I like that person. I also sometimes wish that my past experiences and choices did not have to effect my children, but then maybe it was meant to; maybe it was meant to shape them as well. Everything happens for a reason, after all.
(2) If I knew I had only days left to live, what preparations would I want to make? What would I want or need to do? What action can I take today so when my time comes, I will be sure I lived to the fullest?
When Mom passed, I was motivated to get life insurance so in the event of my death, the kids would be able to at least pay for my cremation, but I still need to have a Will drawn up, as well as a Living Will, so I would definitely take care of those things. I would also thoroughly muck out my bedroom, because I am a bit of a pack rat, and I wouldn't want to leave that chore for them. I know from experience, that having to go through your Mom's belongings after she has passed away is emotionally painful. Thankfully my Mom was an organized person and did not keep a bunch of stuff that I had to sort through. I am just the opposite and I don't want to leave that mess for my boys. I really need to do that, but I'm already overwhelmed with just the thought of mucking it out, and rebelling at the thought of throwing away memories. What a pickle!

This step requires that I visualize myself dying, slipping from my body, and going to a place of complete peace and beauty in order reason to learn to accept death so that any fear of dying is alleviated, however I'm just not up to it right now. I could imagine myself dying and transitioning to someplace serene and beautiful, but for now, I choose not to. Maybe I'll do this tonight at bedtime.

Soul Coaching Day 15 (Fire)

"I Am Safe"

Be aware of forms of Fire in your life and imagine breathing in the energy of the Sun.

Acknowledging Fears
My fears include: spiders, heights, being homeless, losing my family, public speaking, being permanently in a wheelchair, tests, and that if I enter my artwork into the County Fair or put it up for sale it will deemed as not good enough. (I have test anxiety, and arachnophobia).

Take A Risk
Take small steps to facing your fears. Um, hmm...I will have to think on this. Maybe I can stand on the top of the bleachers, at the railing, looking down until I feel more comfortable. I can't do that today though, but it's an idea for another day.

Take Action
Take a risk. Actually, I am already working on this. For years I've always argued that my artwork was not good enough to sell or display, but I recently made the decision to put my art out into the world, in an etsy shop online and I just listed them on ebay as well. I'm getting positive feedback but no actual sales yet. However I have had two offers from friends, but those sales are pending payment... so not sold yet. I'm also considering entering something for the next County Fair in September :)

Soul Coaching Day 14 (Water)

One final day of Water before moving on to Fire.

"Who I am is enough, just as I am."

The exercise for today is, yep you guessed it, more cleaning.

Noble Questions
Replace any negative questions with inspiring noble questions. Oh boy, this was s tough one! One of my noble questions was:
What more can I do to increase my financial abundance? I'm doing everything I can think of: cutting my expenses, no more eating out, listing my paintings for sale (have 2 pending sales), and I applied for a second job (part time). What else can I do short of cancelling my internet, but then I wouldn't be able to manage my sell listings. I'm stumped.

Release Victim Thinking
Remember a time when you felt like a victim, without judgment, and ask the following:
1. If there was something that I was gaining from it?
2. Why am I allowing this person/situation to victimize me?
3. How can I change my perception of this event so I don't feel victimized.
4. I have choices: Stand up for myself or change my perception of the person/situation. How would I do this?

It took me several minutes to think of a situation, but all I could think of was the very old situation of being in an abusive relationship, so I used that. #1 I didn't realize it at the time but it was making me a stronger more independent person. #2 At first I took it, but after a long while I began standing up for myself, but why I stuck it out so long I don't know...divine timing, maybe?  Because the longer I stuck it out the stronger I was becoming. #3 I've already begun to change my view of that situation, and although I often regret that time of my life, I do recognize that it did benefit me in the end. #4 I did eventually stand up for myself, but what I should have done was ended it... but then I wouldn't be the person I am today.

Choose Your Life
Go to your list from day 1 and after each, affirm: "I choose this experience, and I unconditionally accept this event in my life." Keeping saying to yourself until you feel acceptance.

My list from Day 1:

Health-wise: I'm in a lot of lower back pain, and frustrated at the pain and my current physical limitations, and it's effecting my sleep. It's hard to sleep when you are hurting so bad that every move is torture; I am fighting off depression; I struggle with insomnia; my shoulders and upper back are so tense the muscles are burning; my COPD is mostly controlled. "I choose this experience, and I unconditionally accept this event in my life."
Financially: I struggle from week to week and worry about the near future."I choose this experience, and I unconditionally accept this event in my life."
Career-wise: I work full time and love what I do; I am blessed."I choose this experience, and I unconditionally accept this event in my life."
Creativity: my creativity it's flowing like crazy! I began another painting last night (a set of two 7x14 canvases) and I'm real excited with the way it's turning out."I choose this experience, and I unconditionally accept this event in my life."
Spirituality: Although I still have faith, my spiritual life has declined. My main focus has been fighting off depression and recovering from the loss of my Mom. I actually turned to my artwork to help with the healing process, and it has done wonders. I am incorporating encouraging spiritual messages into my work and I believe this is also a big plus :)"I choose this experience, and I unconditionally accept this event in my life."

I think it will take more than one day of repeating this task for me to unconditionally accept that I have chosen the back pain, and other health issues LOL, although  from reading You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay, I know that health issues are physical symptoms resulting from my own negative thought patterns. I've been working on this for awhile now, and although I've made some progress as far as the practice of Positive Affirmations, I am still progressing towards changing my old habits.

Closing exercise: think about all that you accomplished as you transition into Fire Week.This week was emotionally rough, and all the cleaning, ugh! Lol but there was alot of introspection that strengthened my belief in (1) everything has a purpose (2) our thoughts/words have power.

Soul Coaching Day 8 (Water)

Today is the first day of Water in Soul Coaching, my favorite of the Elements. The Element Water represents cleansing, purification, and emotions, so this week I will be focusing on my emotions and clearing them as well as clearing my environment, and body.

"I unconditionally accept my feelings... and what I feel is not who I am"

Drink lots of water and feel your body being nourished. Cleanse your body,
upon waking each day, notice the Water around you, in the environment and your body.

The Turning Points
I am to review and note any defining moments in my life that caused me to make decisions that changed my life. Take time to think about the past, and locate one of those turning points, and write down the emotions during that time, the decision made, and the outcome.

The most life changing event in my life was in July of 2006; it was actually a triple whammy of two coinciding events, quickly followed by a third (1) the death of my Dad (2) ending a 6 year emotionally abusive relationship with my live-in boyfriend who was an alcoholic, and (3) almost losing my Mom. 

Obviously that 6 year relationship was very unhealthy, and by the fourth year I was nearing the I've-had-enough-stage, but stuck it out. I did not realize it then, but I was slowly transforming into a stronger more responsible person. 

My Dad's prognosis and quick decline brought it to a head; it was the straw the broke the camel's back. Naturally, I wanted to spend as much time with my Dad as possible before his passing, which I did. The boyfriend of course made it all about him and became a total ass during a time when I needed his support and understanding, he of course, as was his pattern, became very controlling, demanding, and selfish as hell.  I was fed up, but did not allow his reaction to stop me from visiting Dad, who passed away within 3 weeks of being diagnosed. This time, I stuck to my guns, and with the support of my Mom, we kicked the jerk out right after Dad made his transition, at which time I vowed never again. I was done with men. He wasn't the first bad relationship; I had a pattern, so I vowed I would never again trust another man with my heart, and that I was better off single.

During the course of those 3 weeks of Dad's transition, I changed. I became stronger, more independent, and more mature. I moved my Mom in with me after Dad passed, and we became even closer than we had been before. My sister took a nose dive after we lost Dad and was unreachable during this time, which was when Mom had her first episode of Congestive Heart Failure/Diabetic Ketotosis/Respiratory Failure and had to be Intubated for the first time ever. 

You can imagine what a nut case I was at that point! I had just lost Dad, I thought I was going to lose my Mom, I couldn't reach my sister and lost all faith in her, I had no one to talk to, no one for support except for my teenage son ( my oldest was in Oregon). I was scared, and I was lost, and I think I got a little shocky in the ER. Mom recovered, but it was just the beginning of many such episodes.  Eventually my sister recouped  and ended up moving in with us, but that's the beginning of another story. Anyway, I became even stronger and more responsible. 

Looking back I realize that the boyfriend had a very important role in my life, and my decision to stay single and never give another man a chance, still holds. I am a independent, single woman. 

In 2012 My Mom and my sister moved to Phoenix, 85 miles away, which was another turning point in my life, followed a year later with a real doozy... I just lost my Mom this past December. We had to take her off life support, which was, and still, is a HUGE blow, but I am growing stronger and there has been much to learn and do as her Power of Attorney and the executor of her estate. For awhile I was wondering if I was losing it, it hurts so damned bad. I am learning to cope through my art work... but even as I write this, my heart breaks.

What did you learn During Your Turning Points?
I have learned that everything happens for a reason, and although I may not understand it at the time and although it may hurt like hell, or be scary and/or frustrating, it is all for a purpose; a Divine design to shape me into the person I'm meant to become. I have also learned to accept myself, love myself, and to accept life and it's ups and downs. I have learned that my thoughts and words have power and to stay positive as much as possible, to combat my depression with positive warfare, and that my artwork is very healing.

What are the Reoccurring emotions in Your Life?
Birth- 2008: frustration, fear, doubt, heartache, anger, depression, hate, despair
2008- Present: frustration, fear, heartache, doubt, hope, joy, determination,  happiness

My Water Altar
My Soul Coaching Contract
Oshun, African Water Goddess (oracle card)
Ace of Cups (tarot card)
crystal mermaid
crystal shark
silver dolphin
clam and abalone shells
Stones/crystals: sodalite, rose quartz, moonstone

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Soul Coaching Day 18 (Fire)

"I invite the pure light of the Sun into my heart. May it shine from my heart to the world."

Light a candle and inhale the Spirit and Life Force of Fire. Visualize it surging through your entire being as purifying energy fills your entire body, burning away all your impurities.

Living in the Present
Today was mostly a "veg" day for me. After the kids went home, I took a nap and have just been sitting here on the couch ever since, trying to get motivated to go grocery shopping. I haven't found myself thinking about anything much except for Today, but should I catch myself thinking any thoughts about the past or the future, I am prepared to stop myself and say the recommended affirmation:
"I cannot change the past, and the future is not here. All I need is what's within me this present moment."

Trust and Faith
I was to take a few minutes to visualize sitting on a quiet seashore while an angel with golden wings wraps her wings around me, rocking and holding me, while I completely surrender to the feeling of love. Afterwards I am to note my feelings: Relaxed and safe.

Yes to Life
Today was such an uneventful day, saying: "Yes, this is exactly what I want right now." was way to easy. As I sit here typing this, my screen door is open. I can hear vehicles drive by, children laughing and playing, people talking as they walk by, the neighbors talking and laughing, and the soothing sounds of the birds singing, the windchime's music in the breeze, and the rustling of leaves as the breeze blows the trees. The breeze is almost chilly as it comes through the door, and it smells of fresh Spring air and an occasional whiff of someone cooking on a grill. I love quiet peaceful moments like this; they remind me that I am blessed and life is good.

Friday, April 12, 2013

Soul Coaching Day 17 (Fire)

"I unconditionally accept all parts of myself."

Today was a go, go, go day. I was running around taking care of errands for the first couple of hours after waking. Once I got all that done, I had to prepare for a stay over. My grandkids want to stay the night with their Grammy tonight. So I've got to work in my Soul Coaching before they arrive...

Replacing "Could" for "Should"
(1) I should delete all my emails as I read them. I could delete my emails as I rad them, but I choose not to at this time.
(2) I should do a serious house cleaning. I could do a serious house cleaning but I choose not to at this time. Today was minor cleaning.
(3) I should take up the leaves. I could rake up the leaves but I choose not to at this time.

Letting the Skeletons Out Of The Closet
I actually have no secrets, believe it or not. I'm an open book and have no problems sharing my past... I'm not that person anymore, and if my experiences can help someone, or help me by purging, then I'm all for it.
Now, I've got to take care of some things before the kids arrive. They will arrive after dinner. It's going to be a night of playtime and cartoons Lol.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Soul Coaching Day 16 (Fire)

"I am free to experience joy in every moment... no matter what is happening in my life."

After working 10 hours and coming home to fix dinner, I was worn out. After eating, I didn't want to do anything, so that's what I did. Today was a Go Easy day.

Find ways to have fun today. I laughed with my co-workers off and on today. Work is always fun with the office gals, so I'm counting that as accomplishing this level today.

Now, I'm going to finish my show and go to bed. I've got a busy day tomorrow.

Here is my altar for Fire week...

Monday, April 8, 2013

Soul Coaching Day 13 (Water)

"My life is blessed and I am so grateful."

Focus on what is great about every person and everything you come into contact with and experience today, and note what value you are gaining from each experience.

Today is about reflection and counting my blessings.

Gratitude For Everything 
Being as I worked the first 10 hours of my day, I found this a bit challenging, just because it feels weird to approach my co-workers and telling them "Hey, I just want to let you know how much I enjoy working with you, and I am grateful for you. Having co-workers like you make my job wonderful. Thank you!"  So I chickened out and sent a very sincere personal email to each person. Besides that, it was a really quiet day, and I didn't see much of anybody, besides my co-workers...and my youngest (adult) son, but he didn't do his chores today like I asked, and that kind of ruined the I'm-so-grateful-for-you- talk. I know, I know, my bad.

What Are You Grateful For? Write down what you are grateful for. Make a list of things you are not grateful for, and reflect on ways that you can be grateful for these things and your reasons.
This was simple enough, although emotional. My biggest and most recent is of course the loss of my Mom, so I included it...

I am not grateful for losing my Mom.  I am grateful for the opportunity to learn the responsibilities and requirements of being a Power of Attorney and Executor, of which I was able to share and help others experiencing similar circumstances, and for the growth I am experiencing, however heart wrenching the process. She taught me so much in life, and continues to teach me from the other side. I LOVE YOU MOM!

I Love You. I appreciate You. Look in the mirror and tell your reflection "I love you. I appreciate you."  Note your feelings as you do this. If this is hard, practice it daily until you are comfortable in doing it.  This wasn't hard for me. I began this process years ago, although I still feel kind of silly standing in front of the mirror talking to myself LOL

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Soul Coaching Day 12 (Water)

"At the center of my being there is always stillness and peace."

Today was about being still, and listening to my soul, and for any messages throughout the day. Unfortunately  today (the entire weekend) was full of drama, including suicide threats. My oldest son and his wife split, possibly for the final time, and it has become a tug-a-war for the kids. It has been very emotional for me, and I was quite concerned for my daughter-in-law who was talking suicide. I'm emotionally wiped out. 

I didn't find that "stillness in the center of the cyclone" today, but I did complete Level 1, Level 3, and the exercise listed above; however I had the shakes too bad to hold a glass of water in my hands until the water became completely still.

Go Slow- I chose to go outside for a few minutes and just sit. I enjoyed my quiet time in between chaos.

Watch for Signs- I didn't get a chance to do this today; it was just too chaotic. However fear of my financial situation crept back in today. I'm scared and realize I need to do some more affirmations to combat the fear. I'm also looking for a second job (part time) but I'm worried my back won't be able to handle it.

Do Nothing- Take at least an hour to do nothing. In the evening I sat and vegged in my living room, staring out my screen door, and did nothing but enjoy the cool air entering the house and listening the the sounds of the birds as the sun slowly set... however I didn't last an hour.

I feel completely drained.

Saturday, April 6, 2013

Soul Coaching Day 11 (Water)

"I am loved and loveable." "I love deeply and fully, and I am beloved deeply and fully."

Clean one area and focus on an affirmation such as: "As I clean I am opening a space for new opportunities to flow my way." Oh goody, more cleaning (said with sarcasm) LOL, but I'm committed to this 28 day program, so if the author says clean, I'm cleaning.

How Do You Relate to the World? Notice any repeated emotional patterns, and release them through affirmations: "I am willing to release this pattern of _________ and accept that I am safe and protected." (or whatever you would like to affirm).
I am willing to release the pattern of worrying and stewing. I accept that I am safe and protected.

Reoccurring Relationship Patterns (questionnaire)
1. As I mentioned in a previous post, I tend to choose the abusive type, but I put an end to any repeats be
    vowing to remain single.
2. It's hard to say if it has healed, as I'm not willing to risk giving anyone a chance.
3. If there was something I could do to heal or resolve that relationship pattern, what might it be? I've already
    resolved it, in my opinion.
4. What qualities do I judge in others? I have no patience for cheaters, liars, loud obnoxious, rude people,
     and drunks. Probably because of my experiences with abusive/alcoholics.
5. What do I need to communicate and to whom? I communicate just fine. In fact I'm learning to curb my
    tongue. There are times when it is best to bite it (my tongue that is!)
6. Is there anyone I need to ask forgiveness from or to thank? No, I'm quick to apologize for my wrong
    doings and to thank where thanks are due.
7. Is there anyone in my life I need to express love toward? I express my love daily via words and actions.
8. Is there anyone for which I need to make amends? If so, what is stopping me? No and no LOL
9. This  question does not apply to me. I believe in honesty.
10.  I really need t forgive the past AH's but I'm afraid that if I forgive them, I might open myself to future
       such relationships, and I don't want to go there, so I hang onto the hurt and bitterness.
11. Am I willing to let go of having to be right? Yes, you have to pick your battles.
12. Do I unconditionally accept, with humor and love, all of my relationship patterns? Not quite yet.
13. Am I willing to release the need of those patterns? Yes.

Relationship with Parents and the Creator (questionnaire)
Wow, this is a tough one being as I am still grieving from losing my Mom. I became emotional just typing the questions! Now I have to go back and answer them...
1. I don't know about my birth father, because he seemed to be the first abusive man in my life, the first of
    several, and the beginning of the pattern. I'm not sure what the purpose for choosing him before birth
    would be. As for my Mom, I chose her for the depth of her ability to love, to love unconditionally, and for
    her belief that family is everything and we stick together no matter what. (tears are
    flowing now). My Dad, the man that married Mom when I was 10, and eventually legally adopted me and
    my sister, was the best thing that ever happened to the three of us. I did not chose him, but I am so
    blessed that he came into our lives.
2. How do I feel about them? I had the best parents, and I miss them so much!
3. How do I perceive what they feel about me? I knew they loved me for they told me everyday, they came
    to my rescue countless times, and supported me in so many ways.
4. Is love flowing between me and my parents? If not, do I feel the need to heal this relationship, and what
     do I need to do to make that happen? Tons of love, even though they are no physically here anymore.
5. Beliefs about life have I adopted from my parents:  (1) Family is the most important thing in life and should
    be treasured (2) Always be there for your family (3) Be honest (4) You have to keep going, even when its
    rough (5) Be responsible (6) Be strong. Yes, these things accurately reflect my beliefs and remain part of
    my beliefs.
7.  From who, what, and where did I get my spiritual inspiration? Well, my beliefs didn't come from my
     parents or my family, that's for sure; they didn't have a spiritual affinity. My spirituality came from the
     Divine... the God and Goddess.
8. What is my name for the Creator? God and Goddess, Lord and Lady, the Divine.
9. What do I want Spirit to know about me? Spirit knows everything about me already :)
10. If I have conditions for Spirit in my life, what are they? No conditions. How do you put conditions on
11. Am I willing to completely let go and allow Spirit to guide my life? Yes.

...Wow, those were tough, and Water flowed.

Friday, April 5, 2013

Soul Coaching Day 10 (Water)

"I am moving into harmony with everyone and everything in the universe."

Today I am suppose to notice all the people and places I come into contact with, note my energy levels to pinpoint any energy zappers and energy lifters, and write them down.

 Zappers-  I didn't go to very hasn't places today (dealing with another headache) and I didn't come into contact with very many people. However, I did notice the following:
 (1) My adult son cussing at the computer/video game/players
 (2) Waiting in line at the bank. It was a long wait.
 (3) Grumpy people/fighting neighbors
 (4) Dirty house
 (5) Hot environment (bleck)

Lifters-  My lifters are:
 (1) The birds singing
 (2) Loving/playing with the cats
 (3) My tunes
 (4) Incense/scented candle
 (5) Bath with essential oil and candles
 (6) Family time (a rarity)
 (7) Visiting with friends (rarity)
 (8) Thunderstorms, love them
 (9) Fresh air
(10) Artwork

Eliminate One Zapper and Increase One Lifter-  I can't necessarily eliminate my zappers #1 and #3, but I can easily counteract them by increasing a Lifter i.e. my tunes, incense/scented candle, a soak in the tub, or just by getting out of the house for awhile. Eliminating zapper #4 is easily enough, just a bit of cleaning, accompanied by my tunes and some incense (or lighting a scented candle), does the trick quite nicely. Today, I chose I chose renting movies to watch, so I visited my local Red Box  :-)

Soul Coaching Day 9 (Water)

"My life experiences have powerful positive meanings"

The night before I was up most the night in pain and the usual insomnia. This morning I woke up nauseated with a migraine...needless to say, I called in sick and slept most the day, so I only accomplished Level 1.

Cleanse Yourself, House, or Vehicle. I opted for a cleansing, relaxing bath with lavender essential oil and focused on the feel of the water on my skin, as well as washing away the negative, and soaking up positive and healing energies. My bath was prior to bedtime, and I was able to fall asleep quickly and pain free. Thank you Water!

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Soul Coaching Day 7 (Air)

Last night I finished my contract. I took what I had written down on Day 1, and re-wrote it on a piece of watercolor paper with marker, then drew over and around my words, then colored it with colored pencils. It now adorns my Soul Coaching Altar, currently dedicated to Air, but tomorrow that changes. Today is the last day of Air; tomorrow we begin Water.

This morning began with me jumping out of bed and forgetting to breathe, again LOL but after I was finished getting ready for work, I took a few minutes to rectify that, then read Day 7 in Soul Coaching.

"Who I am is enough"

Watch for signs throughout the day, such as coincidences and synchronicites, 
and with each event, ask yourself, " If this event had a message, what would it be?"

Why Am I Here? Today I am to ask what is my purpose and listen/watch for messages throughout the day. Watch for a reoccurring theme... something that keeps repeating in conversations, on the radio or TV, maybe even billboards, or maybe the answer will pop into my head. The author said it could be instantaneous, or it could take hours to get my answer. She also said that I would know it was the correct answer when it resonates within me. So, before leaving the house this morning, I asked out loud to Spirit, the angels, and the Divine, "Why am I here? What is my purpose in this life?"  I continued to ask the question throughout the first half of my day, and I kept hearing this voice in my head saying, "happiness."  Could this be my purpose? It makes sense, being as I have struggled with life and depression since childhood, and this thought reminded me of the poem I wrote back in 2008.

I Am
I am a "Late Bloomer"
I am a "Seeker"
I am a "Survivor"
I came into this world lost and angry
Wandering aimlessly
Feeling alone & misunderstood; an outcast.
I was confused, trying to find my place in this world
Questioning my purpose
Finding no hope
Seeing nothing but darkness
I wanted to capitulate to the despair
There was no point in living
I fought
I wrapped myself in a bleak cocoon
Where I remained
The adult caterpillar
Began a slow
Fighting the shadows and choosing life
I bloomed...
I am a Seeker but no longer lost
Climbing out of the darkness
I face the light
I am a Survivor
I Am

© 2008 by Reba White

Soul Mission Statement- After I receive my answer, I am to create my mission statement, completing this sentence:  "The purpose of my life is..." then the author instructs me to keep writing it until my entire being is "vibrating with joy". This mission statement will be a foundation and the Universe will provide the energy and guidance I need to build upon it.

My Purpose in life is happiness.

Soul Mission Collage- Once I have my Soul Mission Statement, I am to create a collage that reflects that statement and resonates within me.  When I read this, my first mixed media painting popped into my head. It seems that I may have already completed this, or maybe that was my prequel?
For those of you that have been reading my blog, you may remember this from a few weeks back...

Some of my observations today, included: (1) birds chirping and singing cheerfully, including what I think was a small Gray Hawk perched at the top of a juniper tree. I couldn't see him very well, but his cry was definitely hawk  (2) a fuzzy black caterpillar scurrying happily along its way (pre-transformation), (3) a beautiful Spring day with a cool breeze and bright blue sky (cheerful).

My Collage
I didn't have many magazines so I used colored pencils and markers too.

My Purpose in life is happiness

Monday, April 1, 2013

Food for Thought

My friend Shiela provided me with this really awesome quote...

"If you see yourself in a favorable light, if your image of yourself is pleasant, if this visual concept of yourself cannot be shaken by temporary defeats, then you have reached the goal achieved by the most fortunate. Not everyone reaches this mental state; in fact, many people do not even believe it is possible. Happiness and peace of mind are a matter of consciousness. We must create the inner-harmony we desire. This type of awareness is not an accident, it comes from study and an understanding that we are truly creative." - Bob Proctor

Soul Coaching Day 6 (Air)

I began today by focusing on my breathing upon waking, and fell back to sleep LOL. Yes, still struggling with this one. Either I jump out of bed forgetting to breathe, or I do like I did this morning. After rising and getting ready for work, I took a few minutes to relax and read Day 6 in Soul Coaching. Does this count towards reading something inspirational?  I think so :-)

"I am safe and centered no matter where I am"

Take time to relax; listen to soothing music, read inspirational poetry or books, take a walk. Breathe.

Empty Your Mind & Breathe- take 15 minutes to meditate, clearing my mind and focus on my breathing. I did this at lunch time when I had the office all by myself for a few minutes... without the dog LOL I only managed 10 then found myself saying: "I release clutter. I am an organized person. I welcome more tidiness into my life."

Schedule Time to Relax- examine my life's schedule and determine how much time I allow myself to relax, enjoy family, and do something fun. Actually, I allow myself to relax and have fun pretty regularly, so yay for me!  My weekends are my days off and my ME time. I spend those days sleeping in, doing art work, watching Netflix and/or reading. I also take time out for art work in the evenings a couple of times during the week, as well as watching Netflix, or read, or catching up on the puter. When I'm not working, I'm relaxing. In fact, I could use more discipline in my life to do my chores, that's where I'm lacking!

hmm this reminds me of someone...
                                   ...like I said, discipline!

Clear Anything Representing Mental Clutter- choose one area that will symbolically have the most impact on your life and clear out old cluttered files (physical or electronic), including old Christmas cards, letters, coupons, etc, and affirm: "I am opening space within myself for remarkable mental clarity and focus" and "With everything I release, more energy, love and abundance comes my way." So I scheduled time this evening to muck out my bedroom some more. My bedroom is my sanctuary, but how can I truly relax there when paperwork covers every hard surface, and my art supplies are scattered all over the floor (again).

I liked this and thought I'd share :)