Affirmation of the day:
"My evaluation of myself is not who I am."
Take deep breaths throughout the day, visualizing life force energy filling my lungs and body.
The book recommends two journals (1) a process journal, and (2) a joy journal, but being as I didn't make it to the store last night to buy my notebooks, I will begin here.
Assessing Your Life
Process Journal: Where I am right now (health, finances, career, creativity, spirituality) and my intention for the next 28 days.
Health-wise: I'm in a lot of lower back pain, and frustrated at the pain and my current physical limitations, and it's effecting my sleep. It's hard to sleep when you are hurting so bad that every move is torture; I am fighting off depression; I struggle with insomnia; my shoulders and upper back are so tense the muscles are burning; my COPD is mostly controlled.
Financially: I struggle from week to week and worry about the near future.
Career-wise: I work full time and love what I do; I am blessed.
Creativity: my creativity it's flowing like crazy! I began another painting last night (a set of two 7x14 canvases) and I'm real excited with the way it's turning out.
Spirituality: Although I still have faith, my spiritual life has declined. My main focus has been fighting off depression and recovering from the loss of my Mom. I actually turned to my artwork to help with the healing process, and it has done wonders. I am incorporating encouraging spiritual messages into my work and I believe this is also a big plus :)
My intention for the next 28 days: to take time in between work and art to focus on soul work, enjoy the journey, and in the process grow spiritually by connecting with my soul, and to joyfully experience increased flow of Positive in my life! I welcome positive change.
Steps and Leaps & Bridging the BreachAssessing where I am currently at and where I want to be and determine the steps I need to take in order to bridge that gap: one step, two steps, a hop, or a giant leap; notice the areas where the rift is the greatest.
- Health-wise- a giant leap! Honestly, I have tried everything and don't know what it is going to take to heal my back. I do the recommended stretches, but it only makes it worse. I've been to the doctor, twice, and she just tells me to do my stretches. I take over the counter anti-inflammatory/pain medication, as well as prescription muscle relaxes and pain medication. I've done (still doing) heat and cold. Any activity triggers episodes of long painful crippling pain and sharp stabbing pain. I'm so frustrated!
- Self-esteem- a hop. My self-esteem has been a work in progress for years, and I've come a loooong way, and I will continue to improve.
- Resentment/Bitterness- a gargantuan leap. It has been my choice to hang on to the resentment as a shield for self protection and I realize it is not the healthy choice, but I feel safe in holding onto it; it prevents me from taking further risks with my heart, which in turn prevents further heartbreak, and honestly, I'm not ready to release it yet.
- Putting others first over my own needs- a hop. I've gotten much better in this area, but I recognize that I could use some more work here.
- Worry/frustration- a giant leap. I continue to worry about finances; let's face it, these times are scary times! I am am frustrated with 20 yr old who, although he does work part-time, lacks the motivation to find full-time employment to help with the household expenses; some days I am borderline panicked. How do I not worry? I do use positive affirmations to combat my fears, worries, and frustrations though, so I'm working on it.
- Fear- gigantic leap. as mentioned above, I have fear pertaining to heartbreak, finances, and sometimes my health.
- Self motivation- a hop, or two. Depending on the task, I tend to either procrastinate, start and not finish, or I complete the task LOL. In the case of household chores, bleck... I procrastinate big time! When it comes to paying bills, etc... I'm on it!
- Creativity- I'm on target :)
- Joy/enthusiasm- a few steps. I fluctuate depending on the situation LOL. I tend to be mostly happy but I am prone to depression.
- Forgiveness- giant leap. In the case of past relationships, I hold on to the hurt and resentment for protection and motivation to never trust my heart or a man again, and like I said, I'm not ready to release this yet.
- Peace/Contentment- it comes and goes, so I'm going to say a few steps, to a hop LOL
Assessing Your Physical Environment and Life Questions
Oh good, Yes or No questions LOL
Bedroom: 3/5 Yes
- I feel safe, protected, and nourished in my bedroom. Y
- My bedroom is a haven for my soul. Y
- My dreams are insightful and provide a passageway to my inner realms. N
- The clothes in my closet reflect who I am and who I desire to become. (um, desire to become? Really? How do clothes reflect your desire of who you want to become????) N
- I truly relax and feel safe in my bedroom. Y
- I sleep well in my bedroom, and when I wake up in the morning I am refreshed. N
- All of the objects in my bedroom contribute to my joy and balance. N (my room is currently a mess)
Kitchen: 1/4 Yes
- I feel energized, healthy, and vital in my kitchen. N
- Food prepped in my kitchen looks and feels healthy and empowering. N (it's good, but not empowering LOL)
- My soul feels nourished in my kitchen. N (not a kitchen/cooking person)
- I feel creative and get inspired when I prepare food. Y
Bathroom: 3/4 Yes
- The energy in my bathroom feels cleansing and healing. Y
- The bathroom is a place where I purify and renew myself. Y
- I feel comfortable and safe. Y
- When I look in the mirror, I feel good with what I see. N (self image thing)
Living Room 5/6 Yes
- My living room is a safe haven for me. Y
- I love to use al of the objects in this room. Y
- Friends and family feel great when they are here. IDK
- My living room is clutter free. Y (mostly)
- It feels warm and inviting. Y
- Everything in this room is positive. Y
Dining Room 1/2 Yes
- It is a pleasant place to eat. Y
- I cherish and support my body by eating food that empowers my body and spirit. N
General Home 4/6 Yes
- The front entrance is welcoming and easily accessible. Y
- I feel energized every time I enter my home. N (sometimes but not always)
- My home is clean and well cared for. N (not at the moment, but usually)
- My plants and animals are healthy and cared for. Y (no plants though)
- The photos in my home are photos of people I love and cherish and who love and cherish me. Y
- There are very few things that I "put up with" in my home. Y
If my home was an exterior representative of me and my life, what would it say about me? Ok, firstly, I rent and the place could be prettier as far as exterior paint, etc LOL, it's a boring dull beige and lacks personality of any kind. It doesn't represent me at all, other than it set apart from the road and surrounding apartments. I am a recluse, so that particular description fits. As for the exterior, I will pretend... if it were up to me, it would be white with forest green trim and shutters, green roof tiles, a repaired front patio, and better landscaping, with a concrete or paved parking area vs. the current dirt. The yard currently needs raking, so it could use some cleaning up. It would represent a simple, quiet, recluse...that's me :)
Good gracious, this is long!
My Automobile- I'll keep this short and simple. My truck is currently down and I can't afford to get it fixed, so it is neglected at the moment, and no I do not feel safe in it because it needs work. I am using a loner from my Sis. Yes, I play uplifting music while in it... Rock or Pop
My Work- I love it! I sometimes feel inspired and creative, I do "put up with" some people. I do sometimes feel stressed. The office is a old log cabin that has issues, but it's charming. I often learn something new. I do feel appreciated by my boss, and I feel like I fit in with my co-workers (we have fun).
Where am I currently? See above answers in my process journal.
What does my life purpose seem to be? To accept life and find peace with it, and to help others do the same.
What would I like my life purpose to be? I'm pretty satisfied with my previous answer.
What am I passionate about? Equality, honesty, my art work, my family, fighting depression, and nature.
What gives me immense joy? My family, my art work, the beauty and peace of nature.
What is my spiritual source? The Divine
Is my life consistent with my values? Yes
How do other people see me? I've been told I'm strong, loving, artistic, and compassionate.
How do I see myself? An easy-going recluse, loving, compassionate, too generous, artistic, and lazy.
What qualities would I use to describe who I am now? honest, compassionate, sensitive, lazy, artistic, helpful, semi-handy, disorganized, spontaneous.
What qualities would I like to have? I would love to be a bit O.C.D. LOL
What have I been putting off? cleaning and organizing
What do I need to forgive myself and others for? I need to forgive myself for the hurt I caused my family as a child and and unhealthy adult stage. I was not in a healthy frame of mind and made dumb mistakes and hurt others with my behavior. I need to recognize that was the past and I am no longer that person. I need to forgive past relationships (husband/boyfriends) for their abuse and infidelity they too were not in a healthy frame of mind too set on satisfying their need and wants and too selfish, insecure, and dealing with their own life issues. Is it truly fair to continue to judge them, when knowing that I was once messed up too?
What do I want to do with the remainder of my life? I would love to travel to Ireland, keep moving forward in my pursuit of self-improvement, be in the position to help my family when needed, to spend more time with my family, maybe take a class or two at the community college.
What is really important to me? My family, financial security, semi-decent health, and to be pain free would be nice!
What are my goals? Just to live simply, the best that I can, and to survive at least semi-comfortably. I'm a simple person; I don't want anything extravagant.
Have I been blessed with any skills/gifts, and what are they? My artistic ability, and sensitivity.
Am I using these skills? Yes
WHEW! Done :)